Interview With a Vampire: how it really went.

Interview With a Vampire: how it really went.


Set Up: I am in a room that is similar to a study and its color scheme is a mixture if brown and deep red. I sit in my soft Corinthian leather chair and begin to count the brass rivets on the armrests of the seats. I notice the seat is warm and soft and has a little bounce. There are lights all around me that give me headaches but slowly my eyes adjust. Then the production team brings in a shiny plexi-glass “wall” between me and the other chair I wonder why is this necessary then remember who I’m doing this interview with.

Some background on Central and Eastern Europeans and Russians included, Most use the Cyrillic alphabet, similar to ours but the way they pronounce things is a tad different the main difference is the “W” instead of pronouncing is like “water” they say “vater” their “W” has the “V” sound. So when the interviewee answers questions they will have a “v” in front just know it’s supposed to be a ‘w”


Let’s Begin.

Me: Hello how are you doing today? And what is your name?

William: I am Villiam, and I’m doing fine?

Me: How long have…

William: Vhy is zhis zhing in front of me? (He taps the plexi-glass)

Me: It’s uh here for my protection?

William: From Vho...Me?

Me: Yes.

W: Vhy?

M: Because you’re a blood sucking creature from the night.

W: Oh god, here ve go again. All vampires are not blood suckers…vell, yes ve are but ve aren’t all violent. So can you please move this or I vill cut zhis interview short.

M: Sure. Any funny business and you will get shocked with a cow taser and the wall goes right back up.

W: Okay. Okay…..vait a cow taser?

M: Yes. Back to my questions. How long have you been a vampire?

W: Vell it all started vhen I vas younger, mien fazher vas on a business trip and got bitten zhen he bit me. And zhat’s how it all started? By zhe vay zhat vas 400 years ago.

M: So how do you do it?

W: Do vat?

M: How do you just run up and kill a person?

W: Vell I need to eat and vhen I need to eat I do. Zhis is how it goes. I vun up to a able bodied human and then I bend and expose zhe neck and zhen I just bit and suck, it’s kind of like biting into a uh how do you zay it a uh….apple…then trying to suck the juice out of it.

M: Why do vampires bite the neck and not any other parts of the body?

W: Ve do bite ozher places like the arm but the neck is one of the easiest places to get blood for example it vould be zo hard zo get blood from a chest.

M: What do you think of Twilight?

W: Hate it. Zhe movie is not really hoe vampires act, ve do not drive nice cars, and live nicely, very often ve live alone, and zhat move is stupid.

M: Well thank you William for this interview I think we are done here.

W: Your Velcome, zhank you for having me here vith you.